I was raised as a skeptic, as my parents vehemently opposed all religions. My spiritual’ encouragement was non-existent; but still, I quietly felt curious about the Lord since I was a child. It wasn’t until I was 22 years old that I took steps and gave it a try. An online acquaintance invited me to a Pentecostal church. That was in 2003.

The atmosphere was very emotional. It felt so awkward. All the noise and agitation. Service normally started with almost an hour of musical performances which often lasted longer than the sermon. In retrospect, it seems like they thought the harder you praised and the happier you acted, the more you’ll be blessed. Like a bargaining chip. It’s an exercise in numbness if you ask me.

I’m absolutely terrible at faking emotion and really slow and heavy to be moved, so you can imagine how out of place and uncomfortable that was for me. It was difficult, but I thought: This is not about me, let’s keep going. After all, I come here because I want to change by knowing Jesus.

The second thing that struck me was the overemphasis on materialistic goals: pray for a job, pray for money, pray to be successful in this world. I get it, the Lord provides; but they seem more interested in what He can give than in knowing Him first and foremost. I disliked the “well of wishes” mentality.

One day a so-called apostle (a supposed powerful servant of God) came from another country. I remember him telling us how he always wanted a BMW when he was younger and how he prayed and prayed until he could finally buy one. I thought that was very materialistic. He performed a very long musical number (which wasn’t very good) and finally started the sermon. It was kind of a free-for-all plethora of made-up analogies and symbolisms using a select and context-free Bible passage as a Kickstarter which seemed like an excuse so the man could speak his thing. Everything was arranged in a way as to culminate two hours of concert and emotionalism.

I didn’t get anything from it, nothing worth remembering. Now that I think about it, the man was subtlety exalting himself, with God as a pretext. Fake humility. People seemed to have a very high opinion of this man because he was an “international apostle” and, apparently, a successful and charismatic individual. Worldly attributes. I was not impressed.

Over the years, it was more of the same and it eventually became clear there was a pattern: people were conditioned into acceptance through pressure and shame. If you displayed any doubt or presented any sincere questions, you were accused of being faithless.

I was faithless at that time; but isn’t the church supposed to bring you into the faith and strengthen you instead of telling you that something is wrong with you and that you don’t have the Holy Spirit if you question their practices?

Where am I going with this? The Pentecostal church operates by one principle: it works IF you never ask any questions. I mean, you can ask questions; but if you do, you’ll feel like you shouldn’t have, and you won’t get any substantial answer either. Bluntly put: close your eyes and feel the vibe is the conformist dogma there. Try to fit in as smoothly as you can. They say they don’t want blind faith but, ironically, it’s the best way to get by in there.

I’m not so naive as to think an apparition is needed to believe. Just show me HOW the Bible makes sense instead of always telling me, “It’s the Bible, so it makes sense.” They hate reason and love dogma (despite stating otherwise) and will do ANYTHING to defend it.

One day, they started calling church members by name to tell them which gifts they had. Turns out there were like 15 prophets among 70 people. Sounds legit.
I remember the time they attempted to cast out demons from a little girl. She was surrounded by several people laying hands on her and repeating, “Away with you demon, in the name of Jesus!” over and over again, without anybody actually talking to her. I saw her eyes full so much sadness and confusion, she was being mobbed. I could feel it because I saw that, in a way, the same thing was happening to me. We were both being bullied by a bunch of good-intentioned, dogmatic, self-righteous ignorant people. That little girl was probably scarred for life. I felt disgusted and extremely sad for her.

It’s not about whether exorcism is real or not in this day and age. That’s not the point. It’s about intentions and selfish acts. I saw through it. They were the ones seduced by demons and they had no clue. The irony!

Then there was “the gift of tongues”. In the Bible, Jesus’ apostles received the gift of tongues to preach the Gospel to Jews from different locations who spoke various languages (Acts 2:1-11). It was a practical need and served a collective purpose. Now, those guys at the Pentecostal church were incoherently rambling in an emotional frenzy. I thought the Bible says the Lord is not the author of confusion (1 Cor. 14:33)? So who is the author of confusion?

I attended the Pentecostal Church regularly for almost 3 years. Knowing my background wasn’t going to make leaving easy. I always tried as best as I could to surrender myself but felt it was a losing battle, pretty much from day one. I can’t betray myself. Self-denial is one thing, self-betrayal is another. I couldn’t take it anymore and cut ties. I was crushed. I had invested a lot of emotion and will. I went there with all my needing heart and sincere soul but left empty-handed.

After that, I started to believe my parents had been right all along: “Religion is a tool of mass manipulation; and those troubled and ignorant will blindly and gladly bow to anything without question, just to try to quench an unquenchable thirst. They’re no different than Middle Age peasants; but you have a good family, culture, and education; so don’t you dare falling so low!”

So that was me for the next 13 years. I became extremely cynical, pessimistic, asocial, bitter, conflicted, self-centered, and a hopeless hater of all mankind. It was to the point that I didn’t wish to live any longer. Sometimes I used to wondered if this life is Hell. No kidding. I was that confused and frustrated. My life went downhill.
One day, long after I had stopped considering myself a Christian, I was browsing YouTube and one of Bible Flock Box’s videos appeared. It was about Hell. I watched it out of curiosity. I was really impressed! Not only because of what Greg said but the WAY he dug into the Scriptures.

Something clicked, like some ancient machine suddenly coming into motion again. Despite all the rust and spider webs it suddenly started up and got running! I immediately started browsing Greg’s channel and watched like 3 hours of videos straight, without leaving my seat. I couldn’t believe it!

This man is no Catholic, no Charismatic, no Evangelical, no Pentecostal, but this man makes sense! Finally! Christianity does not require you to become a mindless tool! A spiritual person I don’t feel pity for! Greg’s teachings earned my respect, my trust, admiration, and my gratitude of heart. Then, by Greg’s recommendation, I found Doug Batchelor. My mind exploded and my spirit felt peace, long-forgotten peace! Then Mark Fox from Amazing Prophecies YouTube channel. You guys forever changed my vision about the Bible: it’s the TRUTH!

The connection there: you’re all from a denomination called Seventh-day Adventism. After learning that, I discovered there was a small SDA church 10 minutes from home. I was back in the game! But this time, after so many years, I believed I was on the winning team (frankly, for the first time ever in my whole life). I attended Sabbath service for the first time in 2016 and went back home refreshed and satisfied, eager to return. I had to make a great effort to go to church every time in the past. It felt like a burden. What a pleasant change!